FROM THE LOS ANGELES TIMES, Thursday, December 4:
http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-epstein4-2008dec04,0,902741.story

And I quote:
"But wanting their own committed relationships to be shoe-horned into an old institution makes little sense, especially given the poor, almost pathetic performance of that institution in recent decades. Half of first marriages fail in the U.S., after all, as do nearly two-thirds of second marriages. Is that really a club you want to join?"
 
BINGO. That sums it up pretty much for me. No statistics provided on the end of a third relationship, and maybe if i'd just admit to myself I'm in love with the idea of always being in love with Mark, a high school romance that meant nothing...except to my ego and the fact that I could lose once at love, and I've paid for it every since. Had I accepted that, I'd saved everyone alot of grief, become a priest or a billionnaire and rust out, rather than wear out. However, I think i'd choose wearing out if I had it all to do again. Nothing would change.

Sadly, my 18 month foray into sowing my wild oats has gotten me only less enchanted with men, bored with promiscuity and the availability of it, and now in the season of Advent, trying to undo some deadly bad habits. As I told Father Francis on Monday during confession;  I wanted to have it all; I got it all, and I'm empty and in worse shape emotionally than ever. I thought I'd boarded the train to happiness, but instead i wound up taking the Concorde to the valley of the dolls. Now, i find myself in a lifeboat, trying to row back. Luckily my faith is a pretty sturdy oar.